i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
