First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
