he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
