oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
