My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
