Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
