I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
