We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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