i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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