Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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