I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
