where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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