its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think my moral compass just broke
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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