just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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