just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
