I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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