Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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