Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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