When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
