I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
