Porn is love you can see.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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