so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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