I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
