Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
