If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
