We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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