Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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