just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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