You really coming over, don't trick.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
don't judge my taste in strippers
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
