talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
