I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Randomize
