there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
