Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
