oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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