my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
