I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
