On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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