I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
