like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
