Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
