She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
