why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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