So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
