Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
