He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
