I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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