I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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