the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
