He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
