Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
