I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
