his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
