so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
