I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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