You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
