Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
